Have you ever been in a relationship that you was so comfortable in a relationship you start to let yourself go. Stop caring because the other person is in love with how you look and who the person you are uncondtionally. so you stop going to the gym to spend time with this person then you spend all your time with a person so you lose out on friends. then you become this sort of akward person when you meet new people because when you in a relationship you can’t really meet to many new people because it will be in the mindset that oh will my significant other approve.then when you and your significant other part ways it just seems everything that you build just gone your body looks different not as well maintained as before it then you just have an tough time getting over them no matter how hard you try your attitude seem like it is aloof and distant from people you only have a couple friends still around but you realize a good amount of one later that you are here for yourself and you shouldn’t let nobody be the reason for your happiness so you start doing little things that you used to do then you remember the person that you was before you meet that person and it is like meeting an old friend that you catch up on so much it it makes you smile that you are not totally lost in darkness and that friend that is yourself make you realized that everything will get better because you are worth it. Sometimes you have to lose yourself and find that person again to understand truly what a treasure you are.
The plight of gay friends
see being a person of bisexuality or homosexuality you find it hard at first to except who you are. The hardest things is probably finding a friend with the same sexuality as you because you do not trust and feel as they are going to talk about you behind your back having one of those people that did not fully accept themselves try to overcompensate by either trashing you behind your back , trying to sleep with you or messing with your significant other so it seem that it is hard to find someone you can trust and it feels like it is hard but as long as you continue you will find it if you look hard enough
For you
I loved you.
I thought I’d always be with you.
I thought you and me were meant to be.
I thought that we could fix us
I carried a bottle of crazy glue everywhere I went so I could piece us back together
I thought that would work
That the glue would seal all of our cracks and cover all of our vulnerable crevices.
I thought the glue was enough
I thought we were safe
I thought that we were a we and not just a me and you
I thought it was going to be harder to leave you and go off on my own.
I thought we were one
But we weren’t
We aren’t.
I’m sorry but my crazy glue ran out.
Soreness
the pain of being up all night and thrusting and groping and caressing the curves all night constantly with the whisper in your hear faster harder more and even as I slow down I make sure I keep up my stamina for another round and then when I’m finish I fall back relieved and satisfied from everything that just happened . I’m sweaty and musk and never been happier that workout was amazing.
Bucket list
- to go to China
- To pose for a fitness magazine
- To go to Japan
- To study in a monastery for a month
- To meditate for an hour
- Do a thousand sit-ups in a row
- Do a hundred pull-ups in a row
- To work as a nutrionist
- To work as a personal trainer
- To save $250,000 in my savings
- To intergrate nano-bots in my body
- Patent one of my invention
- Grow my hair past my shoulders
- Put my workout routines down and put what I ate so people will have a type
- Go to grad school
- Graduate from college
- Wear color contacts
- To get married
- To get the year car that I am
- To cleanse for a month
- To run a marathon
- To do the Spartan run
- To make my own clothes
- To go skydiving
- To do something creative post on Pinterest
- To study Buddhism
- To have an 8 pack
- Learn how to swim
- So wear a suit for a week straight
- To have a boy and girl
- To go to 50 countries
- To step on every continent
- To get a doctorate
- To talk to someone with goals
- Remember the words to an entire song
- Go to Italy
- Finish insanity again
- Live in New York for a year
- Go to California
- Live in Atlanta
- Help someone get on their feet
- Stop lying
- Enjoy life
- Be more self-discipline
- Keep my room clean
- Run for a political office
- Workout for 365 day consecutively
- Have a wonderful partner
- Take care of my hair
- Learn how to do some type of dance
- Learn how to do a martial arts
- To learn to trust my partner
- Speak up more
- Stop being insecure
- Have a passion and drive for something other then myself
- To learn how to become an introvert
- Give up tv for a year
- Give up social media for a year
- To paint a picture
- To connect a beard
- To make alcohol from scratch
- To cook in France
- To do gymnastics
- Do 100 handstand push-up
- Get a bar tending license
- To get s real estate license
- To become a notary public
- Teach a class
- Have a YouTube channel and post regularly
- To have a dream journal
- To journal my life
- Blog my life
- To cook a five course meal
- To stay connect with my friends for at least a decade
- To own a jacuzzi
- To have a man cave
- To study bisexuality
- To be happy with who I am
- To make my room baby blue
- Have a two story house
- Live in a brownstone
- Voulenteer with the homeless
- Get a job in higher education
Happiness- simple things
The craziest thing is I had all negative things that I was about to post about my life but I took some pre workout start working out and things like that and found my debit card which I lost yesterday I just started walking and had the happiest thoughts about my life and everything that made me feel sorry about myself or make me dread an hour of being alone all changed and just made me super excited and happy and now the cool breeze on my face as I walk to the school nicer gym is making my day and I honestly can say this is the best feelings I had in awhile probably the past year and it is funny all the “turning up” or awards or honors that I receive do not compare to how I feel right now it’s amazing how simple things in life can change your whole demeanor.
The tragicness of my life
This story of mine is going to be far from chronological and far from spatial it is going to come around on how my life is going. My life have had a lots of ups and down recently within the last two and three weeks we first going to talk about my family and to be honest it been a lot. My mother been sick for a real long time from the age of being eight she had doudenum cancer which the doctors said she wouldn’t live beyond six months it has been a long ride with her health she been in and out of hospitals for about 14 years now and you know what it’s been hard every time she went in the hospital I feel like I distant myself away from people for that very reason because I don’t want to get to attach to people and they just leave me because my mother have truly always been their for me and never once had a doubt that I could do anything and I love dearly she help me make it through cerbreal palsy and help me right and speak no matter what the doctors say and not once did she make fun or light of my situation. She never gave up on me so it is hard to see her the way she is now. My mothers gallbladder failed and her liver is failing and swelling of her body and head and to see my mother in such a state it literally kills me, My mother actually have a surgery soon in two days and I pray that everything works out. The other thing about my family that makes me sad is the my uncle that I only meet once had a brain aneurysm and was in a vegetative state so they pulled him off of life support and died last week. My uncle was wonderfully accused of a murder that his friends was apart of so he have gotten life in prison. He was my uncle on my farther side but yet he was my mothers best friend so it hurt her as well when she heard the news she was truly hurt. My farther also has been dealing with both situations and started drinking again and my farther was an alcoholic and my mom sees that and worries about what he is doing because when he went to New York for his brothers funeral he started acting werid by being on his phone all the time and have a lock on it as well. So my mom feel like he is cheating and dealing with past due bills being really sick and her disrespectful children which are my siblings she is going through way to much and I been going through a huge drinking binge because I wish to escape and it is the only legal thing that I can do without jeopardizing my chances at a career so I been doing a lot more reckless things like making out with people in the club and doing things out of character which I hate that I am doing because I’m not doing anything productive with my hurt. It is crazy I thought they be no situation that would make me act like this but understand my mother is only 47 years old. I just need to talk to some of my friends more and feel better but to be honest they can’t make me feel better like I need to.
03/02/2015 Feelings
Ok just letting you all know I just got out of a crazy relationship I have never really had a really stable interactions with people mostly because i feel i an very socially akward as a person from a young age I was told that I wasn’t as good as my siblings not as attractive or as intelligent and people treated me like I was in need of help and overall that still bothers be my brother are more attractive and I felt like I had to be the werid one because that the only identity that I could hold to without it being tooken away from me so for a good part of my existence and until middle of my college career so until 21 and I still don’t wish to be like anyone else to this day but I can see myself conforming to some of the norms of being a black bisexual males. It just a lot that happen through my life that have made me want to change but this is the start of my story it just here for whatever reason or purpose. This is my story
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